I lost my heart, I lost my mind
by mixkst
Summary: Blaine's career is a disaster and he drowns his depression in alcohol. He's not the only one suffering from this.


"I'm home!" Mike called out as soon as he pushed the door shut behind him, juggling with his sports bag and takeouts. No answer. He already had a suspicion why, and all the worry and anxiety he'd managed to get away from all day-mainly thanks to the dancing-came rushing back to him. He dropped his bag to the floor by the entrance and walked over to the living room to find his boyfriend passed out faced down on the couch, a couple of empty scotch bottles on the living room carpet.

"Blaine," Mike shook his boyfriend's shoulder lightly and heaved a sigh in relief when Blaine moaned and rolled on his back. "I got dinner."

"Leave me alone," Blaine mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes.

It killed Mike to see him like this. It'd been weeks now since Blaine started spiraling down into depression and alcoholism. It'd been years since Blaine struggled with his non existent career. The entertainment business isn't kind and the state Blaine was in right now was proof enough for Mike.

"You've got to eat something," Mike tried to reason with him, still hoping his Blaine was still in there, somewhere. Blaine's eyes shot open, taking Mike aback for a second, Blaine's gaze so intense it scared him a little.

"You think you're so much better than me, don't you?" Blaine spit at him as he sat up on the couch. The words were so cold and spiteful it knocked the breath out of Mike despite the fact that he'd gotten used to Blaine taking his anger out on him. That was nowhere near acceptable, but unfortunately he had. And it still surprised him every time Blaine started yelling at him, because somehow, no matter how awful or how terrible Blaine's rants are, Mike always managed to bury them down and reset this image of cruel Blaine with the old Blaine.

"Of course not," Mike replied, knowing all too well there was no use to it. Blaine would attack him no matter what he said, twist Mike's words however he wanted.

"You've always been a shitty liar, Michael," Blaine's laugh was hollow, as usual by now. Long was the time when Blaine's laughter held actual mirth. "Always being the nice guy, never wanting to hurt other people's feelings. Well guess what, I know you. I know when you lie through your teeth. When you tell me that you still love me. What the fuck are you doing staying with me anyway? Why haven't you dumped my sorry ass yet anyway?"

"Because...I-I love you, Blaine," Mike managed to get out, his throat closed down. The pain in his chest was suffocating him. He wasn't prepared for this. No matter how often this happened-meaning, every single night-he was never prepared. He always looked forward to bed time, when he'd cradle Blaine's head against his chest and pretend everything was okay. Pretend Blaine was happy. Pretend Blaine wasn't turning into an alcoholic at the young age of thirty. At night, Mike tried to forget every single thing Blaine'd said to him earlier during the evening. And he'd start all over again the next day.

"Don't you fucking lie to me," Blaine rose to his feet, his tone filled with sheer rage now. "I know about you and Sam."

"What are you talking about?" That was new. Blaine had never mentioned Sam before and Mike had no idea why Blaine would bring him up now.

"Don't act so innocent," Blaine said with a warning tone as he stepped into his personal space, his ethylic breath so potent Mike could smell it one foot away from him. "I saw all the texts you've been exchanging. I saw you two flirting whenever he walks you back home. He's just waiting for you to break things off with me. Either that or you two are already sleeping together behind my back."

"That's…that…" Mike had no words. Blaine couldn't have been any more wrong. There was nothing going on between him and Sam. Sam was his best friend, a real support for Mike during these hard times. Besides, Sam had a boyfriend. "That's insane, Blaine, are you even hearing what you're saying?"

"Stop _lying_ to me!" Blaine started shouting and shoved Mike, causing him to lose his balance and land on his back on the wooden floor. He was completely numb and didn't have it in him to get up and face Blaine. He lay there, eyes fixed on the blue ceiling he remembered painting with Blaine one hot summer until Blaine's face appeared in front of him. Mike could feel Blaine's knees straddling his hips, their position reminding him of happier times, when Blaine straddling him meant that they were about to make love to each other.

"Why don't you just dump me if you hate me so much?" Mike's voice broke as he let his tears run down his cheeks freely, his vision of Blaine now blurry.

"I can't live without you," Blaine choked up, his angered face morphing into a devastated one. Mike couldn't stop the tears but the sobs he wanted to let out so desperately were stuck in his chest and had been for weeks now. He didn't know why he was crippled that way, unable to just cry, suffering from all the pain that was bottled up inside of him. Blaine didn't have that problem though as he broke down and lied down on top of him, putting his head down against Mike's chest as he sobbed violently.

It was heart wrenching and Mike couldn't make out any of the words Blaine managed to let out between sobs. He just wrapped his arms around Blaine's body, burying his nose in Blaine's hair. He couldn't do this anymore, Mike realized. He couldn't take one more night like this; he knew his heart just wouldn't sustain the trauma.

People had tried to convince him to leave Blaine a long time ago but he just wouldn't listen to any of the words they'd say, no matter how reasonable they were.

"I love you, Blaine," Mike started to say, taking a deep breath to compose himself as best as he could, considering the situation. "But I can't do this anymore. It kills me to see how miserable you are, knowing that I can't help you. You need help, I'm _begging_ you to reconsider seeing someone…. I…I—I just won't spend another night like this, I just won't survive it."

There was an awful amount of time during which Mike dreaded Blaine's answer, his ears pummeled by the sound of his own heartbeat, before Blaine finally spoke up.

"Fine."


End file.
